Making Communication Work For Your Relationship
Brooke said to Gary, “In our entire relationship, I’ve gone above and beyond for you … for us. I cook. I take up your shit off the floor. I’ve laid your clothes for you like you were a four-year old. I’ve supported you, your work or anything. I make the plans. I take care of everything. But I don’t feel you appreciate any of it. I don’t feel that you appreciate me. All I want from you is to show me that you care.” Gary retorted, “Why didn’t you just say that to me?” In tears, Brooke said, “Gary, I’ve tried.” Gary answered, “But never like that. You might have said things that may mean like that but I am not a mind reader.”
Above is a conversation of Brooke (Jennifer Aniston) and Gary (Vince Vaughn) in the movie “The Break-up.” This is a classic example of a poor communication or miscommunication which led to rejection, hurt, misunderstanding that eventually resulted in the falling-out between partners Brooke and Gary. This is a movie that solidly mirrors reality. Partners may have difficulty putting their feelings into words or the wife speaks but the husband avoids or does not listen. Communication is the essence of any relationship. However, communication is also a two-way process. You may talk as much as you want but you also need to listen well as much. “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak,” as Greek philosopher Epictetus perfectly puts it.

But how do we make communication work in a relationship? The key here is to talk freely and listen excellently. Open up your feelings, thoughts, aspirations, hurts and complaints to your partner. And when your partner does the talking, you need to be the excellent listener by not condemning, attacking or lecturing the other. When it is your time to talk, your partner will likewise do the same thing for you. And after each one has heard all that has to be said, work out for a compromise.
Partners should likewise bear in mind that each one is entitled to his/her own feelings and opinions, that no two people are exactly the same, that each one is totally unique emotionally, physically and mentally. Respect for one another should guide the relationship. Once both partners accepted the individuality and uniqueness of one another will fear to communicate be eliminated; and only then will open communication ensue.
Also, take note that words can make or break your partner or any person. Would you rather discourage than uplift your better half? It is quite essential to think first before you speak. Take control of your anger and temper. Always bear in mind that words are gifts and should be used to inspire, encourage and motivate others. So to avoid having the same story as Brooke and Gary, as Dr. Laurence Peter suggests, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can find fun date ideas and romantic date ideas.


Sparkle, The Dream Diamond
The "Dream" diamond with which I am familiar is a brilliant cut squarish shaped diamond cut and sold to jewelers. This stone is cut to such perfect proportions that a very bright and sparkly diamond is the result. The stone also shows the "hearts and arrows" pattern often suggested as a sign of excellent cutting proportions. Is this the stone you have?
You mentioned a cathedral setting and flush set stone. Do you mean the ring has rising sides and the stone was set low into the mounting, perhaps close to the tops of the cathedral sides? I expect this was still set into prongs and not a bezel. (A bezel is like a tube with the sides of the stone covered with a narrow metal rim going around the very top edge of the stone to secure it safely.)
In my experience, when viewed from directly above the top of the stone, it makes no difference on a well cut diamond if the stone is set high, low or in a bezel. You see, the light comes in from the top of the stone, not the sides or bottom. That is the reason diamonds are cut in the brilliant forms developed and modified today. The faces are called "facets" and those on top act as windows while the ones on the pavilion(bottom) of the stone act as mirrors, reflecting the light that comes in through the windows back out of the top of the gemstone. As far as brilliance from cutting is concerned, the brightness of light coming back out of the stone should be the same whether set in prongs or with the back covered!
One consideration is the amount of metal over the top of the diamond. There should be just enough prong or bezel to hold the stone safely and thick enough to ensure long wear. If the jeweler leaves too much metal over the stone, some top facets(windows) will be covered more and that could affect the sparkle of light from the stone.
Surface sparkle is another consideration. The "reflections off the facets" is a kind of sparkle. This is not the same as the light reflected from inside the stone and back out, giving the stone its brilliance. The surface sparkle is more, well, sparkle and moving reflections as the diamond is moved in the light. I suspect with the stone out of the setting you were seeing more surface sparkle and some from the sides of the stone. When mounted low, this sparkle is not as easily seen or noticed. If that is the case, then by all means you should have the stone set a bit higher in a secure setting. Even if the difference is not noticed by anyone but you, it is still a difference to you and you are wearing the diamond. So, have the stone set a bit higher with a more open setting.
The light comes from the top of the stone, goes in and reflects off the side of the diamond (The Pavilion) and comes back out of lthe top (The Crown & Table). The cause of the loss of 'Sparkle' is ususally the back of the sone is dirty, oily, dusty or all of the above and this causes light to 'Leak' out of the back. The whole reason diamonds look so good is due to their refractive index that bend light at specificanyles and when cut correctly refract and reflect the light to the owners eyes. However, you are also correct, when the diamond is set much of the light is diverted and unable to be seen.
The reason those old setting make the stone look good is the fact that you could easily clean the back of the stone and keep it bright. You can prove this to yourself by cleaning your ring and take a little dab of olive oil and touch the back of the stone, not the top, and watch as your diamond turns to glass or so it seems. Then clean it again and you will see it completey restored to its original beauty.
This may allow a bit of reflection to be seen off the sides but will not increase the brilliance seen from directly above the diamond top(crown of the stone). Still, what you see is a bit subjective and if a higher setting which is more open seems more pleasing, then by all means go that direction.
COLOR AND SETTING.
Jewelers know well that the color of a diamond may look better or worse when set into jewelry. Sometimes a diamond on the yellow side of colorless will look bad or off color when set into white gold or platinum. Set into yellow gold, the stone will often look wonderful, or worse! There is a reaction difficult to describe between the color of the setting and the color of the diamond. This is likely not a consideration in your case. I throw in this tidbit just for information.
When considering the final ring setting for your Dream cut diamond, have the stone gently placed into more than one setting to see an "idea" of how it might look. Keep in mind the stone will have to go lower than the unset mounting will show, to allow a "seat" for the diamond to be cut and the proper amount of prong to be pushed over the girdle(waist) of the stone for safe setting. Ask for the jeweler to advise how high and openly the stone may be securely set into any particular ring mounting and be sure the sales staff notes that information about "high open setting" on the work order. For safety, you may need slightly heavier(thicker and stronger) prongs. This should not affect the metal over the stone and finished correctly will look great and still have an open look.


How Big Is Your Space Bubble?
When you are making conversation with other people, do you pay attention to their “space bubble”? If you don’t pay attention to other people’s need for space, you may be creating a bad first impression by getting too close, or even a feeling of discomfort in your conversation partner.
Did you know that you have a “space bubble” all around you? And did you know that other people have a “space bubble” too?
When people are making conversation with someone else, they generally like to have a little bubble of space all around them. This little bubble of space extends one or two or even three feet all around our bodies. We tend to view this as our personal space, even if we never really think about it.
If we invade too close into someone else’s personal space before they are ready to be close to us, they will feel very uncomfortable. And if someone gets too physically close to us during a conversation, we can also feel uncomfortable with them.
Some people misjudge how close they should sit or stand when they are talking to strangers or acquaintances, and they may end up making a poor impression on others either because they get too close, or stay too far away. If someone you don’t know very well starts to move too close to you or touches you, you may find yourself taking a step back.
If you don’t know the space bubble rules, you might make another person feel uncomfortable by standing too close, or by touching them when they don’t want to be touched by you.
We like to keep our space bubble as a personal space for ourselves, and for those who are closest to us. We like it when our loved ones, our family, our children, our loved ones get physically close to us. However, if a total stranger insists on getting into our personal space and stand just inches away, we may feel alarmed and uncomfortable.
About the only time we willingly allow a stranger into our personal space is when we need medical treatment, or when we can’t prevent it, such as when we are on a crowded bus or elevator. We also let people get very close to us when we feel a very strong attraction to them.

The size of space bubble we like to have around us, and the amount of touching we will permit, can be complicated.
There are no cut and dried rules. People from different family backgrounds and different cultures often have different preferences for how big their space bubble will be.
People who come from a British background are likely to be more formal and reserved with strangers and acquaintances than North Americans would be. If you address an English person by his first name without permission, he may feel that you are being too familiar with him. English people will feel usually feel uncomfortable if you stand close to them while speaking, and will back away to a distance that suits them better.
People from a British background often want to stand quite far away from their conversation partners, and are not likely to engage in a lot of public touching with people they don’t know.
On the other hand, people from Central and South American countries will often stand extremely close to you while speaking, and may feel offended if you back away. Men from these countries feel comfortable hugging each other in public, whereas most men from a British or North American background will almost never do so.
People from China and Japan are usually much more reserved, and will stand considerably farther away from the other person with whom they are having a conversation.
The size of the space bubble we try to create around us will also change according to circumstances.
When we are on a subway during rush hour we will tolerate strangers pressing up against us in a way that we would not accept from someone at a business meeting. When we first meet someone new, we are not likely to stand in each other’s zone of private space unless we are both feeling a strong sexual attraction. When people are drunk they will tolerate a lot of physical closeness with strangers that they might not accept when they are sober.
When you encounter people whose cultural expectations are very different from your own, it is easy to make mistakes, even serious ones, and you might unintentionally offend the people you meet. And it’s very likely that people from other cultures will make blunders with you, and perhaps even offend you without being aware that they have done so.
When you are talking with other people, respect the space boundary that your conversation partners want to have around them.
If you find that other people keep moving further back when you stand close to them, it does not necessarily mean they don’t like you. It might mean that you are invading territory they consider their personal space.
If you notice this happening, they will probably appreciate having a bit more space. Don’t move physically closer to them until you know them better and they seem more willing to get close to you.
This sort of jostling for space and closeness, but not too much closeness takes place all the time without most people really being aware of what they are doing. Nobody gets it right all the time, but pay attention to the subtle clues that people give you when they either try to stand closer or move farther away.
When people warm up to you and like you a lot, they will often signal this by smiling at you a lot, getting closer to you, and touching you. If they don’t feel that this is the right time or place for being close, they will pull back a bit.
You can subtly participate in negotiating the ideal distance by slightly approaching and backing away until you both appear to be comfortable.
This article was written by conversation expert Royane Real. Do you want more tips on how to use conversations to turn strangers into friends? Get her special report “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation” at http://www.lulu.com/real